


Sometimes John Sheppard Needs a New Hobby

by mckays_girl



Series: Sock Puppet 'Verse [3]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Crazy John, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Sock Puppets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-03
Updated: 2008-04-03
Packaged: 2018-09-27 13:06:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10021958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mckays_girl/pseuds/mckays_girl
Summary: They called it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Even more SockPuppet!Crack *cries*
> 
> Mucho thanks to girly_curl_3 and _kiden for encouraging the craziness and giving me some ultra-insane ideas!!

They called it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Really, the SGC was just looking for a way to keep Sheppard on Atlantis and General Landry was trying to avoid mountains of paperwork. John spent two weeks in the infirmary and had mandatory daily visits with Dr. Heightmeyer scheduled for the next three months. He was still allowed to go off-world; Teyla just kept him away from the natives. Far away.

Everyone in the city knew about Sheppard’s little “problem.” The soldiers obeyed out of a deep-seated respect for the person who saved their lives on a near constant basis. The scientists held their tongues for fear that Rodney would permanently shut off their hot water.

It was an open secret that Sheppard and McKay were a couple. No one seemed to mind because Rodney kept John out of trouble and the city was running smoothly. Plus, it didn’t hurt that John had the strongest ATA gene out of anyone, excluding General O’Neill.

___

“How come Elizabeth is strapped down to the bed?” John asked, tilting his head slightly to the right.

“Because you made her crazy,” Rodney scolded.

Elizabeth giggled.

“She’ll never be quite right,” Rodney whispered a little too loudly.

Radek snorted.

Teyla gave them an admonishing glare.

___

John’s attempts to requisition infant socks to be brought over on the Daedalus were being thwarted. Twice already, the SGC had denied his requests saying they “weren’t vital to the success of the mission.” He huffed out a frustrated sigh. JohnPuppet and RodneyPuppet were ready to move to the next level in their relationship. John needed to find a way to get his hands on some smaller socks, pronto!

___

“Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule, John,” Teyla said. “It is always a pleasure when I can spend time with my people. The children especially love it when you play football with them.”

“No problem, Teyla. I love coming for a visit.”

After a few hours of playing games with the kids, John sat down next to the fire to rest. There was an older woman already there, knitting while humming to herself. She smiled at John.

“Whatcha making?” he asked, watching her curiously.

“The harvest is upon us,” she answered cryptically.

John figured it was a cultural thing that the Athosians always had to seem mysterious. He cocked a puzzled eyebrow at her.

The woman sighed patiently. “The weather grows colder. I am making scarves for the children.”

Oh, that made sense. John observed her for a little while before an idea struck him. “You wouldn’t be able to make socks, would you? Like for babies?”

The Athosian woman’s eyes lit up. “Oh, you’re expecting? Who’s the lucky woman?”

John’s face scrunched up with that expression that Rodney called his ‘Brain Constipation’ look. There was an awkward silence and the woman gazed at him expectantly, making John uncomfortable. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I’m sure you must be busy.” He stood and waved sheepishly. “See ya.”

______

Rodney wouldn’t have known about John’s attempts to procure baby socks, except that he was nosy. He was going through the paperwork on John’s desk when he noticed the denied requisition forms.

That was when John walked in. “What are you doing?” he snapped, grabbing the papers from Rodney’s hand.

“Nothing,” Rodney lied.

“You were snooping,” John accused.

Rodney raised his chin defiantly, but was unable to come up with a good excuse. Instead, he stared at the floor. “Well, yes.”

John scowled at him.

“Well, I have to be going,” Rodney said hastily, backing out the door. “The galaxy won’t go saving itself. See you at lunch.”

______

At 1500 AST*, Rodney had a video conference with his sister to review what had happened during the whole Rod debacle. After going over some power consumption algorithms and possible methods of exotic particle containment, Rodney said, “Listen, Jeannie. I have a favor to ask you.”

Jeannie rolled her eyes. “What is it now?” 

Rodney shifted nervously in his seat. “Um, I have this friend who, um needs . . .”

“Yes,” Jeannie prompted.

“Baby socks,” he finished lamely, looking anywhere but at the screen.

“You didn’t knock someone up, did you, Mer?” Jeannie asked incredulously.

“No! Of course I didn’t,” Rodney snapped. “Look, just send them with the next care package, okay.”

Jeannie gave him a wicked smirk that was full of promises of sibling torture. “Yeah. Sure thing, Mer.”

___

When John got home that evening, Rodney was sitting at his desk tinkering with an Ancient device. “What does it do?” he asked as he peered over Rodney’s shoulder.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Do you want me to touch it for you?” John said suggestively, with added eyebrow waggle.

Rodney didn’t even look up. “Busy now,” he grumbled while his hand made shooing motions.

John pouted. He plopped down on the bed and picked up ‘War and Peace’. After reading only three sentences he put the book back down and sighed loudly. Rodney was still absorbed in his work. Climbing off the bed, John lay on the floor and started doing sit-ups. Fifty sit-ups later, John was still bored. “Rodney,” he whined. “When are you going to be done?”

“I’ll be done when I’m done.”

___

Rodney had the feeling that something creepy was staring at him. He shivered. Glancing to his right, he jumped when he saw three sets of eyes peeking at him from over the edge of his desk. One set belonged to Sheppard (who was crouching on the floor); the others to Sheppard’s puppets. “Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?”

“Hello,” John said in a low, raspy voice, while opening and closing the mouth of JohnPuppet.

Rodney frowned and clutched the unresponsive Ancient device protectively to his chest. “Yes, very nice. What are you, twelve?”

John stood up and pouted. “Come on, buddy,” he wheedled. “I just wanted to have some fun.”

A sock covered hand caressed Rodney’s shoulder and everything went dark. When he came to, he was on the floor. Rodney tried to move, but he felt anchored to something. Looking up, he saw his body slumped forward on his desk. Panic began to well in his chest, because seriously, what the fuck? Rodney also noticed a very full sensation, like something was shoved up his . . . 

_Oh, no,_ he thought. _No, no, no, no, no, no, no!_ He would have screamed, except, he couldn’t. He couldn’t scream because he was trapped inside a stupid sock puppet!

_________  
*AST = Atlantis Standard Time

 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at [http://www.wraithbait.com/viewstory.php?sid=11673&textsize=0&chapter=3](http://www.wraithbait.com/viewstory.php?sid=11673&textsize=0&chapter=3)  



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